The Horses Speak on Relationships

The horses showed me an interesting concept this week. I was pondering all the fabulous horses in my life and thinking that I have several “significant relationships” with quite a few horses – and people of course. I asked myself, “how many “significant relationships” can one person have, not feeling overwhelmed but truly wondering? How do you make sense of them all? How do I value them? Do I have enough time and love to share with all of them?

And so I wrote down some numbers on a piece of paper starting with the number “1” and going up from there. Guess what came to me? Of course the number “1”. Hmmm. That’s interesting! And so I wondered: is the one “significant relationship” in one’s life with self? YES.

So then I asked myself: how does one look at/perceive/view all the other relationships?

This is what came to me:

All other relationships are partnerships. So, for example, Diva is a spiritual partner and also a partner in our mission together managing the herd (see below). Smoke is a partner in play and riding and exploring the possibilities in the new things we’re doing. Some of the others like Angie, Spike, Sid, Ulysses are teaching partners. Tegie is my partner in writing and end-of-life process (see my previous blog), and spiritual matters (they all are really at some level – spiritual partners I mean). Then when you look at human partnerships, they can be about play, spirituality, support, companionship, family, financial, work and so on.

But all partnerships – here’s the thing – are a reflection, at some level, in some way, of you.

The other thing is they change as you change. It's inevitable. Resistance is futile! We can’t be afraid to allow them to change. We can't hang on to them in hopes that they will never change. This is scary to us.

On a more uplifting note, the feelings we get within all our relationships (with self and others) are perhaps what living is all about. The experiences, the things we do together are all expressions of us, who we are in that moment. So a question which I find interesting to contemplate is "what do my partnerships reflect about my relationship with my self?" (Note that past partnerships don't have to influence future partnerships if you're worried about repeating "bad" experiences because you are always changing and evolving if you allow yourself to. And, this isn't about being critical either. It's an exercise in observing objectively and is to be approached with compassion.)

I guess to be bold, we could ask “what do I want my partnership(s) to be about?”. These are interesting questions.

Diva showed me that sometimes you don't know what your partnership is going to be about. You are drawn to each other. It all seems "right". I was drawn to Diva because I thought she could really take me places with my riding. Then, she would make someone a lovely hunter pony.

Well, here I am 3 years later. We've been through some stuff! In fact, part of the experience with her has been about letting go of riding altogether, at least in the "old" way. I have had a true awakening in that I've had to examine how I truly feel about a lot of things and confront them and come to terms. Talk about a "New Normal". And now she is my partner in most things spiritual and all things to do with my work with the herds at Liberty Stables. I would never in a million years have seen where this journey was taking me. Talk about a reflection of the changes in my relationship with myself!

Buddy, my beautiful horse for the past 12 years (that's his eye I'm reflected in in the photo above), has been another amazing partnership. He's an example of a long-term partnership evolving. I trail rode with him for years doing "the thing". Then, we started riding less and less. And he started getting crankier and crankier. And an animal communicator told me that our "purpose" together was done. Talk about harsh! But I was feeling that too along with lots of guilt. We were done. He still wanted to be my horse but he was on to another purpose, something with a young girl if possible. I choked that information down. Then, I noticed as Tegie started to deteriorate that he was really looking out for her (I have so many stories to illustrate this). Wow! He's my partner in caring for Tegie!

And so we see a reflection of our relationship to self in external partnerships. At the core of our relationship to self are our fears and our life purpose (or passion or the thing(s) we are here to experience). I sense that the journey is about noticing our fears, expressing ourselves, but also about having fun, being inspired and inspiring others and embracing the courage to feel deeply and honestly and then to respond. What amazing insights, what an amazing journey.

The "New Normal"

I have a beautiful horse named Tegra. She is in her mid-twenties and has a chronic, degenerative health problem. She's had this for some time. An animal communicator (thanks Bridget) told me she has volunteered to demonstrate the end-of-life process, not that I haven't been through this many, many times before! But never with a horse, and seldom with the animal being allowed to "pass" without assistance (i.e. euthanasia). I could have had Tegra euthanized, especially since she's of "no use". However, as you might have guessed, I haven't chosen to do that. Instead, my horse Buddy and I are caring for her for as long as it makes sense, and hopefully, until Tegra is good and ready to go!

Buddy's involvement in this is a whole other story. He's my partner caregiver. Horses can see caregiving and teaching as a job as we've seen countless times. I'm extremely grateful that he's agreed to this role. He's very good at it as long as he gets his alone time :-)

The past few days, Tegra has had some breathing problems. Despite attempts to manage it, it hasn't gone away. Knowing that her condition is going to deteriorate, I've resigned myself to the fact that this breathing thing could be the "New Normal".

The "New Normal" is what I call the state after which you realize there's been a change. Change typically means you can't go back. It's permanent and so you go through the emotions that change bring about. Sometimes these emotions are about joy, elation, relief, jubilation. Often, they are about grief as you come to accept that things will never be that exact way again.

But you do adapt. The key is in the acceptance. In Tegra's case, it's acceptance that she's reached another milestone in her journey. It's seeing if anything else has changed. It's assessing whether adjustments need to be made and so on. It's the "New Normal". Talk about grief. The end is getting nearer. But then you see the horse again. She's so brave, still stubborn, still energetic (sort of), still interested in food, still able to nicker in her beautiful deep voice, still able to see whether Buddy is near, still able to hold her head at the level of my heart and make me feel grateful and sad and emotional and joyous all at once, to feel deeply and to be okay.

The "New Normal". Who am I in the "New Normal"? What does life look like now? How do I orient myself to the "New Normal"? These are excellent questions. It's the essence of change. The key is acceptance that the change has come in whatever form it has taken. To trust that all is well in your universe.

A friend of our family passed a couple of days ago. The "New Normal" is life without her. A friend and client accepted a new job. The "New Normal" is new work, new routines. The "New Normal" is okay. It is just that, the "New Normal". And acceptance of that means that everything once again is in perfection, in that moment, in that place, in that energy.

Thanks for showing me the "New Normal" Tegra, and for still being here.

Amazing Connection

It doesn't make any sense. That's what we say sometimes when we observe interactions between some people and their horses.

On this day, Rachel went to get her beautiful horse Mona out in the herd. They were out of sight when the herd came thundering in from the field to their catch pen. Where's Rachel? Did Mona come in with the herd? Was Rachel trampled out there? That was big horse energy, dangerous even.

Then, walking totally calmly, heads lowered in communion, energy seemingly in balance, came Rachel and Mona. This photo was taken as they came through the gate towards the barn.

It doesn't make any sense. Mona should have come with the herd. Rachel should have come in "empty-handed", shaken even. But instead, this young girl and her very special horse were quiet and safe, in their own world of friendship and respect. Wow. That is unbelievable. The presence, connection, awareness is just amazing.

Thank you for showing us the possibilities!

The Dog and the Orangutan

I had to make an entry into the blog regarding this amazing story. There have been a few like it I've noticed where bonds between individuals of two different non-human species have formed. It's interesting in this video that it's an orangutan and a dog: the orangutan being human-like and the dog of course being one of our closest non-human companions. And so, it kind of makes sense.

At any rate, I was very moved by this story. There's another story that got me about an elephant and the dog who became great friends in the elephant sanctuary. Have you seen that one? Perhaps this is anthropomorphising in that it looks like these animals are "best friends", but it appears that they have truly chosen to spend time together in trust and play. What's also amazing to notice is these animals don't "speak" the way we do. They communicate without words. At the risk of sounding arrogant, this is remarkable. They don't have or need verbal language to communicate with each other.

We are noticing this with the horses. In my personal journey, I am learning to trust my intuition and my non-verbal abilities - which we all have - to receive and send messages, in other words, to communicate with the horses. It's going reasonably well but it has been a challenge to deal with the mental chatter and to trust what I'm "hearing".

Dogs are probably the masters of reading our non-verbal communication which is maybe what makes them good at these unusual interspecies friendships. Hard to say. In the book, Edgar Sawtelle, the author is truly gifted at describing in rich detail the dogs' experiences with humans, especially the dog named Almondine. Her main human is a young boy, Edgar, who is unable to speak. He can only sign and they get each other in ways that most of us only dream about. I'll write more about this later and perhaps include an exerpt as an example.

At any rate, enjoy the video!

http://www.wimp.com/orangutandog/

A New Blog is Born

You haven't heard from me for a while. I've been playing with some horses AND doing research on a new book I want to write called "Is Your Dog a Rock Star?" But more about that later. My friend and business partner has a new blog. It's called Beyond Horse Personalities. Dessa Hockley has been busting to share some of the amazing stories and revelations she's been witness to through our work at Liberty Stables. You'll have to go and see what it's all about. The book, "Is Your Horse a Rock Star?" is making its way around the world. People are blogging about it and taking the quiz.

And I won't forget to keep you posted about the dog book as we are affectionately calling it....

Study show cats can manipulate us... hmmm

Have a look at this BBC article reporting a study that shows how cats use different purring sound to manipulate us. It is so interesting and absolutely true. I've heard it said that feral cats don't purr. It's something that domesticated cats do because we've taught them to interact using vocal sounds. So this study is taking that knowledge even further. I think it's neat that this type of research is being done! We need more information about these animals that occupy so many of our homes!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8147566.stm

More on Boundaries

So the question came up the other day regarding unconditional love and boundaries. We were talking about the ideal of loving unconditionally which implies acceptance of everything without judgement or criticism. How do we do that and stay safe around horses - and as someone said, children and other intimidating creatures! The answer is boundaries.

But then, if you are setting boundaries, aren't you setting conditions? Great question. I think we would agree that boundaries are important in relationships. Are we saying, "I love you, but only if you stay over there"? And so we had a conversation about this the other day and decided (at least for the time-being) that the definition of boundary really is clarity in communication. The image of a wall comes to mind when we think of boundaries. However, in relationships, putting up walls isn't what it's all about. It's about the dance as we've heard before. Negotiating clearly what our needs are, give and take, exploring together the "to and fro" of being in relationship. Each being is equal and a language is established over time that facilitates clear communication - hopefully!

Naturally, listening is a key component of the dance. This is something the horses are desperately trying to show me lately. The impression I'm getting is that I'm great at talking to them and asking but I'm not so good at listening to the answer. And so my challenge is to talk, ask and then listen and it's in those few seconds of open-hearted waiting following the question that is important. Take the time to listen and trust fully what you hear. That's my mission.