Animal Philosopher

Winter 2010/11 Happenings at Liberty Stables

2011-03-08T18:17:00.001-08:00

Dessa decided to take a break from teaching for the winter. Meanwhile, the horses continue to amaze us with their insights. The weather continues to amaze us with its unpredictability, cold and snow! When is winter going to end?!

Some days, the discussion over coffee is all we get to do amidst the howling wind and/or the biting cold. And they have been amazing discussions about such things as relationships and where we are at in the journey with our horses and ourselves.

As for relationships, one of the biggest things we’re coming to appreciate, though at times it can be painful, horses are showing us a more healthy way. This is a huge generalization, but our tendency is to be “needy” in relationship. We come with a belly full of self pity, self doubt and want reassurance and to be loved. For the most part, the horses are saying keep your self pity and doubt over there. Instead, come with an open heart. Move from dependence to independence. Shed all the baggage of victim energy and see what lies in store. Allow each other our stuff and be there, not with worry or guilt, but with love and compassion.

And so we have attempted to simply be in relationship which means coming to our horses and being with them, feeling and breathing into our bodies, being fully aware of them, ourselves and our surroundings. To the observer, it may look as though absolutely nothing is happening. In fact, layers and layers of emotion and beliefs fall away over time for both the humans and the horses. It’s not uncommon for people to come into the barn after being out with their horses exclaiming the most amazing things. They are connecting with their horses and themselves in brand new ways. And it’s as if the horses understand. In fact, it’s not unusual for horses to follow their people in from the field with no halter or lead rope, taking themselves away from their herd mates.

Listening is key to the process and the beautiful by-product is trust and eventually, confidence. This all sounds very serious and intense. But what I’ve noticed is that in this state of openness, people are actually laughing and playing with their horses, running around, jumping over things in hopes that their horse will rise to the occasion and be a playmate. Those who are fearful are breathing their way to “yes”!

We are slowly coming back to riding. It starts by sitting on our horses quietly, most likely at liberty allowing them to take us wherever. We’ve been doing this in the arena, out in the yard, and even the field. Talk about letting go of control! Gradually, the horses welcome “equipment”, usually in the form of a rope halter and possibly a bareback pad. We are learning to keep agenda and expectation at bay in this step because we are finding that the horses aren’t responding to the “old” ways of influencing them. Instead, we are learning about balance and movement and connection. What happens when I think about moving forward and don’t do anything with my body? Does my horse know what I’m suggesting? What happens if I project my core a certain way, or shift my gaze in one direction or the other? What happens if I clear my mind and just sit in the energy of my horse? The lightest of touch, the mere suggestion is mostly all that is needed. They are teaching us, or maybe I should say, they are re-teaching us to ride.

We have a couple of babies on the farm this winter. I have had the honour and pleasure of working with one of them. “Working” consists of lots of watching and laughing, along with visits and walks, interspersed with gentle “training” consisting of getting used to the halter, and responding to various types of pressure. When my friend and I work with her, we ask her to be “foal calm” so that she can learn and teach us safely and calmly. She is absolutely amazing in that in her “foal calm” times, she responds to the very slightest of suggestion and even to the mere thought. How does she know what we are thinking of asking her to do? Amazing!

There isn’t much in the way of lessons going on. They mostly consist of what we call “scheduled horse experiences” where horses and people are gently supported as they develop their listening and intuitive abilities, and mutual trust. We are never too sure what is going to happen when we get together. No more traditional weekly one-hour lessons. People are content on a path of self-discovery. This is why the coffee times have become so important. It gives us a chance to talk about what’s happening with our horses and in our lives and to share ideas and experiences.

So, highly unusual things going on on the farm. As one of our boarders said the other day, how do I explain what we’re doing out here? Good question! I’ve attempted to do it here in this write-up but I suspect that those reading this will either “get it” or not. And that’s okay. It’s not for everyone. But we sure think it’s pretty darned amazing.

Say "Yes"

2011-01-18T12:39:00.000-08:00

This blog (and I'm sure many more to come) is dedicated to my beautiful Tegra who passed on January 9th. It was a very cold day. She was so weak. Thankfully, she allowed me to put her blanket on and so when she laid down for the last time, she was at least somewhat warm, especially after we packed hay and straw around her. We left her to rest at about 6:00 pm. I went out and checked on her at 9 with my friends Buddy and Clifford, she was gone. I literally howled at the moon I was so sad in the moment. I remember looking up into the dark sky and seeing Orion's constellation and a beautiful bright sliver of a moon. It was cold and crisp and windy. I grieved (and am still grieving) truly and deeply, with true gratitude and love.

This marked the end of a chapter in an amazing journey with a beautiful, wise, and inspiring animal friend. The journey for me started when I said "Yes". Looking back, I realized that in addition to showing me the end-of-life process, and the "New Normal", Tegra also showed me a new way to look at illness. Never once did she say she was suffering. I would see her struggling, especially with her breathing at times and would ask if she was in pain. She always said no, she was uncomfortable but not suffering. Her ability to accept without self pity what was happening and her physical discomfort was what was so truly amazing. Her courage waivered only once that I was aware of and that was on the morning of the day she passed. Spiritually, she was strong from beginning to end. She challenged me constantly along the way to accept along with her, not to feel sorry for her (or myself), to stay present and to keep showing up with her.

These were only some of the gifts I received for having said "yes" to this amazing journey.

So saying "yes" is really what this blog is about.

January is a time when there's pressure to set goals for the coming year. As a life coach and previously a manager of an organization, I know all about setting goals. When you think about it, goals are supposed to help us get back in control of our lives. We perceive we don't have enough time or money, or that we have to change ourselves (i.e. get fit, lose weight) or our lives. There's something in our lives we are lacking and so we set out to get whatever we think it is.

But I'd like to propose another way.

What if we start from the belief that everything is as it should be. In the moment, we have everything we need. Now ask yourself the question: What do I want to say "Yes" to?

My coaching clients are getting familiar with this concept. They are all composing "Yes" Lists. I created my own "Yes" List and it feels great! Why? Because I'm focusing on choices that I truly want to make. And, once you say "YES", nothing else matters. Things or people or whatever that aren't on your "Yes" List, just fall away because you're simply not focusing on them.

The "Yes" List does not necessarily garranty you prosperity and happiness in the traditional sense. I would venture to say though that it does garranty you a richness in experience and a way of living and being that is potentially full and energising, and without drama (unless of course you want drama!).

Here are some things I'm saying "Yes" to:

Trusting me and my choices (from trust comes confidence)

Love (come to everything with an open heart)

Authenticity (in myself and others)

Listening

Being in the moment

You get the idea. In addition, I'm saying "Yes" to:

Coffee (with cream and sugar)

Scotch

Writing

Coaching and teaching

Book Production

Riding and playing with horses

Photography

Breathing

Nature

Wind

Tegra's Journey (I guess we're not done yet!)

etc.

You can also create a "Yes" List of people. Who do you want to say "Yes" to in your lives?

You can create "Yes" statements. Let's say you're looking for work. Create a "Yes" statement that starts like this: "I would like to say 'Yes' to work that is _______ (insert a "Yes" List)." Or, what about relationships: "I would like to say 'Yes' to a relationship(s) that is _______ (insert a "Yes" List)."

How do you create a "Yes" List? First you sit down and get into your body. Feel what "Yes" feels like. Then start writing. Keep checking with your body. If you use a pendulum, it's easy to check things.

There are few rules: Obligations are not allowed. There are no mistakes. You can always change your list. Be open to the possibilities. Don't worry about how things are going to come about and don't be surprised by what actually ends up happening. There is an element of mystery in all of this that is what keeps it interesting and amazing.

Another way to create a "Yes" List is by vision boarding. Look through magazines and clip out anything that you are drawn to. This exercise is excellent for tapping into your intuition. Then arrange all the things you cut out onto a big piece of bristol board.

And you're done. Put the list or vision board away. Pull it out once in a while to see what's happening but you do not have to make a strategic plan, a business plan, or a budget. The idea is that you will have whatever you need in order to do/be/get whatever is on your "Yes" List as you need it. Trust the timing. Be courageous.

The horses in my life are showing me the tools I need in order to live in this "Yes" energy. They are showing me how to listen to myself and to them; how to be in the moment and forget about time; how to come with an open heart and get out of my head; how peaceful it is without self pity; and how deeply it is possible to truly feel. Trust is the foundation. Always remember to breathe (and yawn!). Nothing clears the clutter faster or better.

I'm not perfect at this I have to say. I only just started doing it myself and sometimes find myself getting distracted. But all I have to do is ask myself, "Did I say 'yes' to this?" Or, as I'm making choices along the way, "should I say 'yes' to this?" And then keep moving towards the "Yes".

This works in the workplace as well. As an individual, a work unit or company/organization, compose a "Yes" List. Come up with 3 to 5 things you want to say "Yes" to and watch how being aware of only those things keeps you focused and motivated. There's no such thing as competition. You're just doing your thing because it's what you truly want to do. Nothing else matters.

There's more in store for me and my journey with Tegra. She's an animal angel now grazing in a warm, fragrant pasture. Who knew what saying "Yes" to her was going to mean. I'm in awe of what showed up and so very grateful for the things (fears) I was able to move through and come to terms with along the way.

Thank you beautiful Tegra...

Dance: Liberty's Patron Saint of Lost Souls

2010-11-16T14:45:00.000-08:00

This is one hard blog to write. You see, beautiful Dance passed on October 12th at the age of 19. She was owned by Hazel and was a much-loved mare. Hazel loves race horses and horse racing. She acquired Dance from a breeding farm in San Luis Obispo and brought her to Canada in 1997 with a young foal at her side. Dance had seven more foals before "retiring" a couple of years ago to Liberty Stables.

When we first met Dance, she was a bit underweight and a little volatile to handle, especially when she was taken away from her field mates. Hazel asked if we could work with her to build her skills and confidence. And so I spent quite a bit of time taking her away from her field bit by bit and doing some ground work. When she got outside her comfort zone, it was not beyond her to rear up. She was also known to strike out with a back foot with lightening speed. After a while, and with little progress, I decided to find out via an animal communicator if she wanted to "work on her stuff". She gave a succinct "no". And so Hazel agreed to honour that and the following spring, she was turned out with the herd to see if she could enjoy retirement in the wide open spaces.

I should also mention that Dance had a pretty significant addiction: she was a "cribber" or wind sucker. That's when a horse clamps down on a rail or post with their mouth and sucks in air. It gives them a "high" of sorts. It is a menace of an addiction because cribbers can get so hooked that they do damage to their teeth. They can also be very difficult to keep weight on because they literally would rather suck the fence than eat. As well, eating can trigger a desire to crib more and so it is a vicious cycle. Dance was a very dedicated addict.

I have to admit that at first, my inclination was to scold her and to try and discourage her when she cribbed. I quickly learned though, perhaps as with any addict, attempts to discourage are futile. And so, I decided a better approach would be to accept her addiction and to love her in spite of it.

When we turned her out into the field, we thought that she might crib less since it was a hike to come in to the nearest fence. Also, we hoped that she might lose interest with the change in lifestyle.

Her first winter out, we worried about her weight and so we brought her in each day for extra feed. It was during one of these feeding times as I stood waiting for her to eat that we had a "chat". We talked about whether she could take responsibility for herself, to love herself enough to eat lots and gain some weight (and strength). It was really neat. I explained that we could help her so much but that at some point, she needed to help herself.

Gradually, two things started to happen. Firstly, Dance started to show up on her own at the gate for her extra feed most mornings at about 9:00! Secondly, when I fed the herd by rolling out a round bale, I started to notice that she wasn't at the bottom of the pecking order, that she could actually move other horses and get in there to eat.

And then, the really neat thing was her eye started to soften and she would even on rare occasions, nicker a greeting at the gate. Wow. The cribbing continued unfortunately. But we just ignored that and carried on.

Gradually, a new horse emerged. The farrier noticed she was changing, the vets kind of shook their heads in amazement that a horse with such horrible teeth could eat enough to sustain life, especially grazing. And much to my enjoyment, and Hazel's, Dance started to be soft, responsive and gentle. I forgot that she used to strike out with her hind foot, and rearing up on the halter was a thing of the past. Her body weight was good and she had a beautiful shiny coat.

Last summer, Dance formed a strong friendship with an older gelding and a beautiful mare. They went everywhere together. Dance looked fantastic and although she was still cribbing, it seemed less frequent and intense. I truly marveled at how she had transformed herself! In fact, in a lovely moment in July, I was visiting with Dance along the fence and she turned her body to the side. I thought for a brief moment that I could just slide my leg over and sit quietly on her. I didn't do it but made myself a promise to consider it if the offer came again. I had no idea if she'd ever been ridden before but my trust was so great, I believed it didn't matter.

Then, in late September, something changed. I noticed that Dance was no longer hanging with her friends. Instead she was frequently by herself near the horse shelter. The cribbing intensity increased, her eye had changed. She had gone to a dark place. I felt like I'd lost her. We all wondered what had happened? We called on the animal communicator who said that Dance was indeed in a dark place. She wanted to know where all her babies were so she could tell them she loved them and Hazel gave us the information. Then, one day, I had to lead her somewhere and the old rearing, frantic behaviour that I thought we'd said good-bye to had returned. We did energy work, looked at changing her feed again, scrambling for ways to get the newly emerged confident beautiful mare back. She had worked so hard. Was she undergoing another transformation? The animal communicator thought that perhaps she had a role to play in helping lost souls. We weren't sure what that would look like. But her journey with addiction was amazing and an inspiration.

And then we found her in the field on the morning of October 13th. She didn't look like she'd struggled at all. It was as if she'd just laid down and passed. What a shock. But wasn't she working on a new mission? Didn't she see the light in the darkness?

We told the other boarders and clients one-by-one about Dance's passing. It was amazing how many of them she had touched in her own way. They each recounted times and moments they had shared with Dance. Most of these people choked back tears or outwardly cried at the news.

One of our clients in particular recounted an amazing story. She found out about Dance on Friday. The next day, in a moment of self reflection and subsequent sadness, she felt the amazing spiritual presence of Dance. This beautiful horse laid down and wrapped the woman in a warm energetic embrace while the woman cried away her pain. It was when we heard this story that we realized that Dance indeed had a new mission. She is our patron saint of lost souls providing support to whoever needs her.

I must thank Hazel for allowing us this amazing journey with her beautiful horse and for trusting. This way of being with horses is so new and so amazing. And yet, we are being called to notice the openness, the courage, the deep love these animals are capable of. And if we're lucky, we can begin to experience it ourselves.

In life, Dance showed us that we can in fact transform ourselves. What an amazing inspiration she was, and continues to be for all of us.

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This whole month as I've contemplated writing this blog, two songs keep playing in my head if you want to look them up. One is Christina Aguilera's "Lift Me Up". The other is Beyonce's "Halo". They are both deeply moving songs that somehow remind me of Dance's journey.

Come With An Open Heart

2010-10-17T16:59:00.000-07:00

This is about a very large horse. His name is Ulysses. He is 18 hands high. He takes up a lot of space in more ways than one. He came into our lives in an unsual but very deliberate way. To make a long story short, Dessa and Rosie (pictured here with Ulysses) were looking for a "project" horse for Rosie. Nine year-old Ulysses showed up in spades. Large, scared, angry, they took a chance on him.

When he first arrived at Liberty Stables, Ulysses wouldn't let anyone in, physically or emotionally. Just allowing anyone to move from his head down his side was not permitted. He was frightened to come into the barn. In the arena, any sound or movement would send him moving as if he didn't know where his feet were. He was sore as well. But out he went into the herd where the other horses and the wide open spaces started to work their magic. This took care of a lot of his physical issues.

Meanwhile, Rosie started to work with Ulysses. An accomplished horse person, Rosie patiently put all agenda and expectation aside and started from the very beginning. How many times had people tried to "start" Ulysses? How many times had his trust been shattered? Starting over one more time, well, that would be a challenge.

Now I should say that Ulysses is a Boss personality (Dominant, Energetic, Afraid, Aloof). This is not an easy personality. They are typically a challenge in the beginning, especially if they don't have a job they can attach to. And so with his size coupled with his personality, he lived up to his name in more ways than one.

I would see Rosie and Ulysses periodically along the way. And I saw Ulysses out in the field on a regular basis. Something started to happen. He truly started to look different physically. He gained muscle in all the right places. Was he playing with other horses? Was he approaching people in the field? In the barn, while he took up the same amount of space as before (getting around him was a challenge), the energy was changing. Oh, and he developed a way of telling us if he disliked what was happening. He would stomp the ground with his rather large foot!

He was becoming a big presence of a different sort around Liberty Stables. And then, a year ago, I was putting together a "team" of horses to do a new program on self awareness. This required horses to come into the arena and interact with a group of people. Guess who "signed up"? Yes, Ulysses did. What do I do with that? So the day came when the first group arrived to do the Horseplay program for the day. What horses should I bring in? Guess who again? Ulysses. Would that be a good idea? Would it be safe? Okay, trust it. Breathe!

Ulysses was awesome! Several people in the group were drawn to him. They were in awe of his size and cautious around him. But they saw something in him they could relate to. And he was so "into" his job. He went from person to person, getting right into their space, totally engaged and engaging.

I got used to the idea that Ulysses was on a mission. And so when he showed up recently to "teach" one of my beginner riders, I wasn't totally surprised. But this was different. Being on the ground with Ulysses was one thing. Having someone ride him was completely different. Rosie got to where she could ride Ulysses. But it wasn't as if he'd had lots of riding - and certainly not in a positive, confidence-building sort of way. What if a new rider did something to trigger his fear or his anger?

And so now I was feeling some pressure. One evening recently, I gave this considerable thought. Is this insane? Do I know what I'm doing? Does Ulysses know what he's doing? I went to bed that night feeling uneasy. Early the next morning, I became aware of a presence. It might have been a dream. It was Ulysses. Unmistakably. Do horses just show up like that?

You're worried. Yes, I am. You're worried about teaching me and a brand new rider? Yes, I am.

Then, I saw - or maybe it was felt - Rosie and Ulysses together. They were so lovely. Rosie was patient and gentle. She felt her way through the process of gaining Ulysses' trust. Ground work, liberty, line driving, saddle on, saddle off, leg in the stirrup, sitting on the big horse, walking a few steps, trotting big and proud. Then, as clear as can be, I felt or heard the following:

"Come with an open heart." Just like Rosie did. We will feel our way together into the unknown.

Wow! How can you not respond to that? How can you not trust that? Rosie, you've really done something amazing here. And Ulysses, how much more inspirational can you be, for me, for the people who are now showing up for you to work with? Come with an open heart.

And so, I do not truly know where this will take us. My students have not ridden Ulysses yet. They are so keen though. We are carefully feeling our way. But I do know that so far, that big horse has shown he can be so very, very gentle. They are aware that he is still working through stuff. Aren't we all?

But what an awesome potential! What a great place to start. Stay tuned...

Moving Through Fear, Ego, Drama Into Confidence

2010-10-08T18:24:00.000-07:00

Dawn is from Boston and CR is from Montana. They met in Millarville, Alberta. It was no accident some would say. But they are an unlikely match. Dawn is new to horses but they've been a lifelong dream. CR is not new to humans and he is not a beginner's horse. But somehow, all of that was irrelevant in light of the connection they immediately felt.

CR is a beautiful moving horse, light, very senstive but prone to nervousness and anxiety which is why he didn't seem an "appropriate" match for Dawn. He was also the herd boss with somewhat of an ego, his actions seeming to originate from anxiety. He didn't suffer fools gladly!

But, somewhat surprisingly, he went to work "teaching" Dawn under the skilled guidance of Dessa Hockley. And Dawn, with patience and enthusiasm, embraced their experiences together in the arena. Their relationship grew. Dawn went out to the field each time she had a scheduled lesson and most of the time, he agreed to come in with her.

And then, this past winter, he stopped coming in. Dawn patiently agreed to spend lots of time with him in the field which turned out to be just what she needed to help dissipate the stresses in her busy professional life. But what was going on?

When doing herd checks, I would see CR, usually from a distance, approach him and check him over. He would tolerate my attention - not unusual. But then we noticed he was kind of depressed. So I decided to try and offer him my homemade brand of energy work when I went to see the herd, something he surprisingly said yes to - but from a distance. Dawn continued with her visits, enjoying her many field experiences. But there was no evidence of willingness to engage as before and come in.

One day this summer - a hot day - I went to check the herd. They'd come in from the field and were in their paddock. It was quiet, except for the buzzing of the flies requiring frequent tail swishes, head shakes and foot stomps. There was CR in a prime spot in the shelter, head facing inward and surrounded by several horses. Would he like some energy work? Yes. From a distance? No. Come in here. Seriously? There's no room. Come in here. Okay.

So I went in there and made my way to his head. Stand with me. Okay. It was hot! It was crowded! The flies were terrible. There we stood. For how long, I have no idea. Then, he reached out and touched me. It was done.

Through that time, we started to notice a change. Something was happening. He and Dawn were having rich conversations. Sometimes they sat together in the field. This wasn't a change per se. But he was starting to engage. Dawn even got to sit on him one evening while he grazed on the lawn. His eye looked different. His expression was more ... aware. He seemed to be meeting things with interest, ears alert instead of off to the side. He seemed taller! Occasionally, he even approached me when I went to check the herd instead of me approaching him.

Then, in September, he agreed to attend the week-long Women's Retreat with Dawn which meant leaving his herd and staying with the other horses in a different field. It was difficult but he made it to Thursday before he really had to go back out to his herd. But while he was in, we noticed again. Something was different. Dawn definitely felt it. It was as if a new CR had emerged! Still the herd boss, he had a new confidence about him, now moving amongst the horses with assurance, the old anxiety gone.

It seems he had moved through his fear, ego, anxiety, into confidence appearing now to be comfortable with himself and able to engage with Dawn and his environment more willingly, intensely, deeply and with a new kind of awareness. It was as if a huge load had lifted from his shoulders. He even exhibited something akin to compassion with a skill for healing as evidenced by an experience I'll tell you about another time with my injured horse, Diva.

Other horses have done this too. They've gone through a process where they've faced something and then emerged. Sometimes their process is a very physical one with an injury or illness. Others, as in CR's case, is more of a detachment and depression. A friend of mine calls this a "healing crisis" in humans. Hard to believe, but this "crisis" is actually a signal that you are ready - to face, deal with, allow, and then to emerge. If you're someone like Dawn watching the process, it's not easy. And whether you're the one in it or the one watching, ask for and be willing to receive help; breathe deeply; listen closely and with an open heart and, most importantly, be gentle with yourself. Trust it all.

Getting back to Dawn and CR, what an example of awareness and courage. Facing those things from the past that keep us stuck in the drama and allowing it/them to pass through can take us to our true essence, our authetic, confident selves.

This exceprt is from "Litany Against Fear" and is by Frank Herbert, author of the Dune series of books:

"I will face my fear [anger, sadness, pain, guilt, ego].
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where fear has gone, there will be nothing.
Only I remain."

The Wise Sage

2010-09-19T11:47:00.000-07:00

There once was a wise sage who wandered the countryside. One day, as he passed near a village, he was approached by a woman who saw he was a sage and told him of a sick child nearby. She beseeched him to help this child. The sage came to the village, and a crowd gathered around him, for such a man was a rare sight. One woman brought the sick child to him, and he said a prayer over her.

"Do you really think your prayer will help her, when medicine has failed?" yelled a man from the crowd.

"You know nothing of such things! You are a stupid fool!" said the sage to the man.

The man became very angry with these words and his face grew hot and red. He was about to say something, or perhaps strike out, when the sage walked over to him and said: "If one word has such power as to make you so angry and hot, may not another have the power to heal?"

And thus, the sage healed two people that day.

(author unknown)

The Horses Speak on Relationships

2010-09-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

The horses showed me an interesting concept this week. I was pondering all the fabulous horses in my life and thinking that I have several “significant relationships” with quite a few horses – and people of course. I asked myself, “how many “significant relationships” can one person have, not feeling overwhelmed but truly wondering? How do you make sense of them all? How do I value them? Do I have enough time and love to share with all of them?

And so I wrote down some numbers on a piece of paper starting with the number “1” and going up from there. Guess what came to me? Of course the number “1”. Hmmm. That’s interesting! And so I wondered: is the one “significant relationship” in one’s life with self? YES.

So then I asked myself: how does one look at/perceive/view all the other relationships?

This is what came to me:

All other relationships are partnerships. So, for example, Diva is a spiritual partner and also a partner in our mission together managing the herd (see below). Smoke is a partner in play and riding and exploring the possibilities in the new things we’re doing. Some of the others like Angie, Spike, Sid, Ulysses are teaching partners. Tegie is my partner in writing and end-of-life process (see my previous blog), and spiritual matters (they all are really at some level – spiritual partners I mean). Then when you look at human partnerships, they can be about play, spirituality, support, companionship, family, financial, work and so on.

But all partnerships – here’s the thing – are a reflection, at some level, in some way, of you.

The other thing is they change as you change. It's inevitable. Resistance is futile! We can’t be afraid to allow them to change. We can't hang on to them in hopes that they will never change. This is scary to us.

On a more uplifting note, the feelings we get within all our relationships (with self and others) are perhaps what living is all about. The experiences, the things we do together are all expressions of us, who we are in that moment. So a question which I find interesting to contemplate is "what do my partnerships reflect about my relationship with my self?" (Note that past partnerships don't have to influence future partnerships if you're worried about repeating "bad" experiences because you are always changing and evolving if you allow yourself to. And, this isn't about being critical either. It's an exercise in observing objectively and is to be approached with compassion.)

I guess to be bold, we could ask “what do I want my partnership(s) to be about?”. These are interesting questions.

Diva showed me that sometimes you don't know what your partnership is going to be about. You are drawn to each other. It all seems "right". I was drawn to Diva because I thought she could really take me places with my riding. Then, she would make someone a lovely hunter pony.

Well, here I am 3 years later. We've been through some stuff! In fact, part of the experience with her has been about letting go of riding altogether, at least in the "old" way. I have had a true awakening in that I've had to examine how I truly feel about a lot of things and confront them and come to terms. Talk about a "New Normal". And now she is my partner in most things spiritual and all things to do with my work with the herds at Liberty Stables. I would never in a million years have seen where this journey was taking me. Talk about a reflection of the changes in my relationship with myself!

Buddy, my beautiful horse for the past 12 years (that's his eye I'm reflected in in the photo above), has been another amazing partnership. He's an example of a long-term partnership evolving. I trail rode with him for years doing "the thing". Then, we started riding less and less. And he started getting crankier and crankier. And an animal communicator told me that our "purpose" together was done. Talk about harsh! But I was feeling that too along with lots of guilt. We were done. He still wanted to be my horse but he was on to another purpose, something with a young girl if possible. I choked that information down. Then, I noticed as Tegie started to deteriorate that he was really looking out for her (I have so many stories to illustrate this). Wow! He's my partner in caring for Tegie!

And so we see a reflection of our relationship to self in external partnerships. At the core of our relationship to self are our fears and our life purpose (or passion or the thing(s) we are here to experience). I sense that the journey is about noticing our fears, expressing ourselves, but also about having fun, being inspired and inspiring others and embracing the courage to feel deeply and honestly and then to respond. What amazing insights, what an amazing journey.

The "New Normal"

2010-08-22T17:46:00.000-07:00

I have a beautiful horse named Tegra. She is in her mid-twenties and has a chronic, degenerative health problem. She's had this for some time. An animal communicator (thanks Bridget) told me she has volunteered to demonstrate the end-of-life process, not that I haven't been through this many, many times before! But never with a horse, and seldom with the animal being allowed to "pass" without assistance (i.e. euthanasia). I could have had Tegra euthanized, especially since she's of "no use". However, as you might have guessed, I haven't chosen to do that. Instead, my horse Buddy and I are caring for her for as long as it makes sense, and hopefully, until Tegra is good and ready to go!

Buddy's involvement in this is a whole other story. He's my partner caregiver. Horses can see caregiving and teaching as a job as we've seen countless times. I'm extremely grateful that he's agreed to this role. He's very good at it as long as he gets his alone time :-)

The past few days, Tegra has had some breathing problems. Despite attempts to manage it, it hasn't gone away. Knowing that her condition is going to deteriorate, I've resigned myself to the fact that this breathing thing could be the "New Normal".

The "New Normal" is what I call the state after which you realize there's been a change. Change typically means you can't go back. It's permanent and so you go through the emotions that change bring about. Sometimes these emotions are about joy, elation, relief, jubilation. Often, they are about grief as you come to accept that things will never be that exact way again.

But you do adapt. The key is in the acceptance. In Tegra's case, it's acceptance that she's reached another milestone in her journey. It's seeing if anything else has changed. It's assessing whether adjustments need to be made and so on. It's the "New Normal". Talk about grief. The end is getting nearer. But then you see the horse again. She's so brave, still stubborn, still energetic (sort of), still interested in food, still able to nicker in her beautiful deep voice, still able to see whether Buddy is near, still able to hold her head at the level of my heart and make me feel grateful and sad and emotional and joyous all at once, to feel deeply and to be okay.

The "New Normal". Who am I in the "New Normal"? What does life look like now? How do I orient myself to the "New Normal"? These are excellent questions. It's the essence of change. The key is acceptance that the change has come in whatever form it has taken. To trust that all is well in your universe.

A friend of our family passed a couple of days ago. The "New Normal" is life without her. A friend and client accepted a new job. The "New Normal" is new work, new routines. The "New Normal" is okay. It is just that, the "New Normal". And acceptance of that means that everything once again is in perfection, in that moment, in that place, in that energy.

Thanks for showing me the "New Normal" Tegra, and for still being here.

Amazing Connection

2010-08-08T17:32:00.000-07:00

It doesn't make any sense. That's what we say sometimes when we observe interactions between some people and their horses.

On this day, Rachel went to get her beautiful horse Mona out in the herd. They were out of sight when the herd came thundering in from the field to their catch pen. Where's Rachel? Did Mona come in with the herd? Was Rachel trampled out there? That was big horse energy, dangerous even.

Then, walking totally calmly, heads lowered in communion, energy seemingly in balance, came Rachel and Mona. This photo was taken as they came through the gate towards the barn.

It doesn't make any sense. Mona should have come with the herd. Rachel should have come in "empty-handed", shaken even. But instead, this young girl and her very special horse were quiet and safe, in their own world of friendship and respect. Wow. That is unbelievable. The presence, connection, awareness is just amazing.

Thank you for showing us the possibilities!

The Dog and the Orangutan

2010-07-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

I had to make an entry into the blog regarding this amazing story. There have been a few like it I've noticed where bonds between individuals of two different non-human species have formed. It's interesting in this video that it's an orangutan and a dog: the orangutan being human-like and the dog of course being one of our closest non-human companions. And so, it kind of makes sense.

At any rate, I was very moved by this story. There's another story that got me about an elephant and the dog who became great friends in the elephant sanctuary. Have you seen that one? Perhaps this is anthropomorphising in that it looks like these animals are "best friends", but it appears that they have truly chosen to spend time together in trust and play. What's also amazing to notice is these animals don't "speak" the way we do. They communicate without words. At the risk of sounding arrogant, this is remarkable. They don't have or need verbal language to communicate with each other.

We are noticing this with the horses. In my personal journey, I am learning to trust my intuition and my non-verbal abilities - which we all have - to receive and send messages, in other words, to communicate with the horses. It's going reasonably well but it has been a challenge to deal with the mental chatter and to trust what I'm "hearing".

Dogs are probably the masters of reading our non-verbal communication which is maybe what makes them good at these unusual interspecies friendships. Hard to say. In the book, Edgar Sawtelle, the author is truly gifted at describing in rich detail the dogs' experiences with humans, especially the dog named Almondine. Her main human is a young boy, Edgar, who is unable to speak. He can only sign and they get each other in ways that most of us only dream about. I'll write more about this later and perhaps include an exerpt as an example.

At any rate, enjoy the video!

http://www.wimp.com/orangutandog/

A New Blog is Born

2010-07-22T17:38:00.000-07:00

You haven't heard from me for a while. I've been playing with some horses AND doing research on a new book I want to write called "Is Your Dog a Rock Star?" But more about that later. My friend and business partner has a new blog. It's called Beyond Horse Personalities. Dessa Hockley has been busting to share some of the amazing stories and revelations she's been witness to through our work at Liberty Stables. You'll have to go and see what it's all about. The book, "Is Your Horse a Rock Star?" is making its way around the world. People are blogging about it and taking the quiz.

And I won't forget to keep you posted about the dog book as we are affectionately calling it....

Study show cats can manipulate us... hmmm

2009-07-17T06:57:00.000-07:00

Have a look at this BBC article reporting a study that shows how cats use different purring sound to manipulate us. It is so interesting and absolutely true. I've heard it said that feral cats don't purr. It's something that domesticated cats do because we've taught them to interact using vocal sounds. So this study is taking that knowledge even further. I think it's neat that this type of research is being done! We need more information about these animals that occupy so many of our homes!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8147566.stm

More on Boundaries

2009-05-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

So the question came up the other day regarding unconditional love and boundaries. We were talking about the ideal of loving unconditionally which implies acceptance of everything without judgement or criticism. How do we do that and stay safe around horses - and as someone said, children and other intimidating creatures! The answer is boundaries.

But then, if you are setting boundaries, aren't you setting conditions? Great question. I think we would agree that boundaries are important in relationships. Are we saying, "I love you, but only if you stay over there"? And so we had a conversation about this the other day and decided (at least for the time-being) that the definition of boundary really is clarity in communication. The image of a wall comes to mind when we think of boundaries. However, in relationships, putting up walls isn't what it's all about. It's about the dance as we've heard before. Negotiating clearly what our needs are, give and take, exploring together the "to and fro" of being in relationship. Each being is equal and a language is established over time that facilitates clear communication - hopefully!

Naturally, listening is a key component of the dance. This is something the horses are desperately trying to show me lately. The impression I'm getting is that I'm great at talking to them and asking but I'm not so good at listening to the answer. And so my challenge is to talk, ask and then listen and it's in those few seconds of open-hearted waiting following the question that is important. Take the time to listen and trust fully what you hear. That's my mission.

Boundaries

2009-04-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

Horses and dogs - and probably most living things - can teach us about boundaries. My dog Clifford, a beautiful, joyful, large-headed, 9 year-old Lab thinks that everyone loves him. He knows this because when he butts them with his head, they invariably pat him. When they stop, he butts them again and they resume patting. Makes sense that he would think they love him. In reality, they might love him more if he wasn't so darned demanding! Are people just being polite? Why do they let him do that? Horses can also push our boundaries physically - and emotionally. We sometimes need to get angry in order to say, "Hey! that's too much!" Conversely, we as humans often push the boundaries of animals. Diva, my horse, is a perfect example. I thought the pinning of the ears and narking were her attempts to be rude to me. In fact, she is telling me, "Hey, that's too much!" I have learned that she has a bubble and I am one of the honoured ones allowed into her bubble but only if I'm polite about it. It's not rudeness. It's her comfort zone. How long has she been misunderstood? Now, she is soft and friendly and much more compliant.

Boundaries are what keep us safe. They are not rigid. Potentially, they are movable as our comfort level changes. They need to be honoured. They challenge us to be clear and to listen.

And so, the negotiation of boundaries can be like a dance where one approaches, then listens. The other responds. And so on it goes. If you've read any of Linda Kohanov's writings on boundaries and horses, you will be enlightened on this most beautiful and yet challenging of concepts.

Retreating to Ravenheart Farms

2009-02-14T11:11:00.000-08:00

In the middle of nowhere is a warm place with horses and wide open space - and snow and wind!